The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
