When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
