its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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