i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
