why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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