Do you still have your period?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
