I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
