I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
