Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
