The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
