every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
