i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
