Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Two words: blizzard sex
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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