Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
