i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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