I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
