May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
