I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
