Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize