There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
