True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
