Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
