ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
