I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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