God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
