when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
