Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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