I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
