ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
