And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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