this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
