i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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