so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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