WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
