She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize