Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
