I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
