god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
