i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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