Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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