Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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