Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
