The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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