If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
