Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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