so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
