WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
