remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
