Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
