I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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