bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
