oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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