apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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