and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
