You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
