You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
