Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
