He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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