Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
