Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
