she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
