so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
