So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
