i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
